ladyegreen: (Default)
Working on getting my ducks in a row for next May when I intend to get a tattoo. I have run into my first obstacle and the medical opinion on this is that I should not do this and if I do I need to take some precautions.

Having the medical opinion on this I'm now turning to you guys for real life experiences, whether your own or someone you are aware of.

The first hurtle is I'm "pre-diabetic" which I think is a lot like being a little pregnant, I suspect you are or you aren't and I'm just at a point where they aren't as concerned about it. Although I am supposing to be having my blood tested on that every so often to make sure I didn't cross what ever that line is. So what do we know about Type-2 diabetes and tats?

The second bigger hurtle is having chronic anemia. I'm sure lots and lots of people get tats without ever considering this and have no problem. However, anemia does fluctuate a lot and there are different types that have different effects. I have chronic anemia and it is severe enough that it alters how certain things are done with me. The problem steps in when people try to compare anemia's all on the same level, what I have you have type thing. Being slightly anemic or occasionally having low levels in your blood is not the same thing as I have. Every time I get a new doctor or have an illness that requires blood tests I wind up going through the ringer with medical personnel who are convinced I've sprung a leak internally and may fall over in a faint in their office at any second.

So to give a base line that I'm familiar with and brings it into a non medical speak level, my dental records are flagged because I'm going to bleed excessively all over my dentists, it is not going to heal easily and I scared the daylights out of one dentist because I passed out on him. Which is why, by the way, two years ago my dental work/root canal was such a problem. Nothing went the way it was suppose to and I was in pain for a very long time. I'm not sure all of it is to blame on the anemia but a good chunk of it was. (You ought to see the actual file, it's got red flags all over it and a great big sticker on the front announcing I'm anemic. It cracks me up every time I see it.)

All right, so my doctor says bad idea all the way around (including body piercings) but I want to account for maybe a bias towards people getting tattoos and perhaps not having real life experience. If I do go ahead it is recommended that I get blood tests done before and after to check my iron levels. That's a precaution I can handle, that's not that big a deal in my mind. The real questions are, am I going to bleed all over some poor tattoo artist and take a header on his floor. Does it hurt more? The person I spoke with believes it will but didn't have a lot of time to spare on the phone so I didn't get around to why it would hurt more. I understand why my dental work hurts more, I can't floss my teeth without looking like a vampire reject from a B movie, blood splatter everywhere and it feels like I took razors to the inside of my mouth. But it's skin and because I've always been this way I don't know a base line here for what is a reasonable amount of pain to be in and what isn't.

And, drum roll, can slow healing from a tattoo mess it up and is infection as likely as my doctor think it is?

Anyone? Anybody got real life experience on this so I can figure out how far I want to go or if I need to compromise on this and maybe get a smaller tat or forgo it all together?
ladyegreen: (Default)
I'll be collecting reference materials for tattoos and of course, and in particular, bat tattoos as I work towards my goal. Please feel free to leave information, links, opinions, pictures, and so forth on my journal, email, facebook (I forget to check that, heads up), or in however manner you are most comfortable with.

In that vein of interest, look at what I found. Excellent.

Bat Tattoos, what do they mean?

(Yes, I named my self actualization project, Star Whale. I'm happy with that.)
ladyegreen: (Default)

Okay, so this is the deal. I have taken the infamous [ profile] tammylee's methodology of goal setting and tweaked it for me.

I have a GOAL now you see. I've been lacking a GOAL for a very, very, abysmal long time. I lied to myself out of necessity for a very, very, abysmal long time. I'm not quite done lying to myself but I am getting ever so much closer.

So I am going to be CHANGING quite a lot. I'm very, air quote, Bowiesque in nature. I shed my skins every now and again because I am not NORMAL. I never was NORMAL and out of necessity I have had to get as close to the edges of normal as my innate self could allow so that I could provide for my children.

The children are the important part of this little post. I am still providing for children but those days are tick, tock, on the clock and nearly gone. I will always be a mother but I will not always be a mother trying to beat a system to keep kids heads above water. The closest I got without shear absolute and utter misery was a brief span of time in Savannah where I was a very much Penelope from Criminal Minds character before she was a character. I had been where I was long enough that I could push my boundaries a bit.

Do you know what happens to me when I can't be me? I blow up like a water buffalo and my hair falls out.

Currently I am blown up like a water buffalo and my hair is falling out but my eye is on the end of the tunnel.

I have at times been brutally honest on this journal. Particularly when it came to things like "I can live in a shack on the beach." You see most of my misery comes from having to maintain a "life". I suck at that because I really don't care for doing it. I don't care about careers, I don't care about houses, I don't care about quite a few things that I have been doing only because my children deserved not to live my life with me.

My husband is another matter and his part in my goals as of yet is completely undefined. He'll have to fit where he wants I suppose. I'm not the boss of him.

So the GOAL. I will be forty in 2013. Forty doesn't scare me. My physical body was for all purposes derailed when I was a very, very young twenty. I have stretch marks all the way up to my ribcage, on my lower back, behind my knees, rolling across my breasts, and under my arms. TWENTY. Something went wrong when I was pregnant and I swelled incredibly fast, faster than my skin could compensate.

I therefore don't give much of a rat's ass about forty or growing older. I've had nearly two decades to grieve the loss of beauty and I'm done with that.

But by forty I intend to be me again. One way or the other. I will be me.

Taking notes from Tam I've made little goals to build up to. Starting in the new year I will find a way of making money that is my money, it doesn't have to be a lot of money but it does have to be mine. Because my 38th birthday gift is to embark on having a tattoo of a fruit bat done between my shoulder blades and going down to my lower back. I will commission my daughter to draw it first.

Then I'm going to work on some piercings I always wanted, the bat needs to be done first though because of the location of where I want said piercings.

These are the first two of many other smaller goals that will build up to ultimate goal, which is again me by fourty or bust.

Knocks notes together in a neat stack.

Other things that are part of said goal, some commencing immediately, but may take some practice on my part as I am used to folding when pressured to please others.

I will not apologize for being me. Not for what I watch, do, like, listen to, read, create. Not going to happen. I do not need to be proper enough by anyone's measure but my own.

I am not living up to anyone's standard but my own.

I am by definition and by design TOO LONG. I will no longer be shortened for others, the lack of my brevity whether in writing, wit, or preoccupation is not my problem to fix for others. If anyone applies to me "tl;dr" I consider it heretofore their loss. Trying to contain my personality on paper or in real life will no longer be responded to with any sort of seriousness whatsoever.

I will be lifting weights and/or weight training as soon as I can visibly work out the logistics. I don't give a damn about skinny anymore but I have dreams of having physical power in my body. I want that badly and I'm going to give it myself.

I lean a hard damn left into being homosexual. I should not have gotten married to a man but I am not the person who can use that as an excuse to break up a family. But I'm not inclined to soften myself anymore in that regard.

I am a little bit socialist in some areas and a lot liberal in most. I will not walk around parading with signs because I'm not going to involve myself in convincing others. On the other hand it is going to be a lot harder from here on out to make me look at another view point. I was easy folks, really, incredibly easy. All anyone had to do was ask me to consider their view point as being as valid as I my own and I extended that courtesy. I gave everyone every bit of the benefit of the doubt and I took all the doubt on my own head that maybe I wasn't right. Not anymore, you think you are right, than marshal your arguments accordingly to convince me and be aware that I never accept "truths" you believe in. I will go look it up to see if you have the facts to back your convictions.

There's more. There will always be more because I continue to keep adding every single thing I can think of as it comes to me. Maybe not here for the world to read but in my head, this list is just the beginning.

P.S. I will be writing from a self indulgent, self pampering methodology when it comes to any further works of fiction, original and in homage from this point on.

Thank You.


ladyegreen: (Default)

November 2014

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