ladyegreen: (Default)
[personal profile] ladyegreen
I am in no way joking or being sarcastic. I feel nothing but sadness for this man that this is what he took away from his wedding and new marriage. (Mostly he wants you to know that he did marriage right and anyone not like him didn't.)

Frowns, this poor man missed the point of marriage or joined unions completely. I saw this else where first (a site taking the piss out of his article) but I wanted to make sure that this is what he said.

No hon, you didn't get married "the right way". There is no right way to get married, what is right for you isn't a blueprint for others. My parents were married on Halloween night during a thunderstorm and I believe my mother wore a navy blue dress, my father his military dress uniform. It was right for them and they are still going strong decades later.

My brother was recently married to the love of his life, a couple that has been living together for years. The bride wore purple sneakers under her dress, the ring bearer was their beloved dog Lucy with ribbons in her fur, and it was one of most moving, most wonderful weddings I have ever been to, it was right for them.

You aren't better than my brother and sister in law because you didn't live together first.

You aren't better than anyone for the addition of having abstained from sex. Having sex for the first time on your wedding night isn't a goal anyone need aspire to. It's something you can do, for you, if it feels right too you. Sure. Why not. But it isn't the reason to be married in the first place.

If your main take away from your wedding is a preoccupation with sex and a judgmental call against anyone not like you than I am afraid it is you that did it wrong. And I feel quite badly for you and sad. The feeling one should take away from their marriage (or union) is a euphoria and joy that you have joined together your souls, not your bodies.

I hope in a few years time you realize this and maybe hold one of those services where you renew your vows. You and your wife won't be as young and beautiful, you won't be starting off a new life together, the sex part will have long since been figured out, you'll likely have been shacked up together for years.

Maybe once all those things have been stripped away you can do it the right way and you can remarry your wife because you love her, despite her flaws, despite your flaws, and it can be about your hearts and your souls this time and not about things that in the end don't really matter.

Date: 2012-09-20 10:08 pm (UTC)
feuervogel: photo of the statue of Victory and her chariot on the Brandenburg Gate (Default)
From: [personal profile] feuervogel
That's so much more articulate than I could manage. I got as far as "what an asshole."

Date: 2012-09-20 10:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
The internet is really ripping into this article, quite a few people were offended by his declarations and self proclaimed gloating that his wedding was better than theirs.

Date: 2012-09-20 10:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I hope they're very happy. I also hope that his shallow, judgmental, smirking, narrow-minded point of view widens as he discovers the reality of what married life is really about; so much more than, "oh wow, we can finally have sex."

He may not actually be an asshole; his wife may be deliriously happy with him since I have to assume that they have similarly self-righteous, Christian, upwardly-mobile, trust fund backgrounds. In other words, no fucking clue as to what life is really about.

I pity them, I really do. The first little challenge that comes up in their narrow little lives will bowl them over. By the time they've been married for 25 years, if they make it that long, one or both of them is going to wonder why they are bored out of their minds and where life went while they were being so satisfied with having done everything the only right way.

Date: 2012-09-20 10:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
It's been pointed out to me that not everyone read this article as being shallow and judgmental. I'm going to try and re-read it and see if my own bias isn't in my own way.

I don't have an issue with the waiting to have sex bit at all, if it works for them and made them happy, that's all that matters there. It was the push that their choices were more valid than other people's and that is what he chose to write on rather than the beauty of his own wedding that bothers me.

I would be very interested to see him revisit this in 25 years.

Date: 2012-09-20 11:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
It's the fact that he actively gloated and said that his way was the ONLY right way more than once that offended me.

Date: 2012-09-20 11:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I found that offensive as well. Highly offensive.

Date: 2012-09-21 01:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Your parents got married on Halloween night?

That is AWESOME. :D

If your main take away from your wedding is a preoccupation with sex and a judgmental call against anyone not like you than I am afraid it is you that did it wrong...The feeling one should take away from their marriage (or union) is a euphoria and joy that you have joined together your souls, not your bodies.


Date: 2012-09-21 01:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Smiles, they did. I suspect the timing had more to do with my Dad being on leave than the actual date but the entire family loves it.

Date: 2012-09-21 02:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Aw Peddler honey, why do you care? His judgmental behavior will last all the way up till next week, when he realizes that he SHOULD have spent more time with his wife because now is too late to find out she sleeps with a knife under her pillow.

Date: 2012-09-21 03:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Laughs, I suppose you are right. We'll bury it as yesterday's news, yeah? And move on to more pleasant and helpful things.

*Hands you a fresh orange.*


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